LGBTQ+ FAMILY PLANNING WITH DONOR SPERM
Deciding whose eggs and uterus to use
One of the first decisions an LGBTQ+ couple must make when pursuing family building through sperm donation is which partner’s eggs will be used to create embryos and which partner will carry the baby. For some couples, this is an easy decision, perhaps it has always felt more important to one of the partners to have a genetic child or to carry a pregnancy. Or perhaps only one partner has a uterus and is able to carry a pregnancy. However, it can be a difficult decision if both partners feel strongly that they would like to have a genetically linked child or carry the pregnancy. Sometimes it comes down to which partner’s eggs are most likely to be successful in creating healthy viable embryos or which partner is most likely to be able to carry a healthy and successful pregnancy to term.
It can be a significant source of disappointment and heartache if one partner or the other is unable to be involved in family building in the way they had hoped to. In this case, while it is always important to make space and give oneself permission to grieve such losses, it can also be important for couples to reframe their family building: Shared decision-making Participation in the appointments Learning about the baby’s in utero growth and development Preparing for the new arrival Subsequent parenting that make the endeavor very much a collaborative and shared one regardless of contributed the eggs and/or carried the child
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