LGBTQ+ FAMILY PLANNING WITH DONOR SPERM
Cognitive reframing Much of our thinking patterns are so automatic that we don’t consciously pay much attention to the thought loops constantly running in our heads. By paying closer attention, you can learn to identify thoughts that increase fear and anxiety and replace them with more positive, realistic, and helpful thoughts. Social support Support from those people in your life by whom you feel supported, nurtured, and cared for can help ease the emotional burden fertility treatment. It is important to recognize that you may need to educate people about the realities of your experience, including the stresses and challenges. When people ask how they can help, don’t be afraid to tell them specific things that would be helpful (i.e. picking up groceries, walking the dog, dropping off a meal, mowing the lawn). While support from others can be invaluable, some couples find it helpful to create a certain amount of space and privacy around specific details of treatment, such as which partner will be genetically linked to the child or dates when certain results will be known. It can be helpful to discuss with your partner ahead of time what kind of boundaries you want to set and practicing how to respond to well- intentioned questions for which you don’t want to give specific answers. Couples’ communication Even though you are pursuing family building together, you and your partner’s experience of this may be very different. You may also have very different coping styles. For instance, one partner may cope best by thinking only of the possibility of a successful outcome, while the other may cope best by preparing for possible failure and having a back-up plan. Members of a couple, too, often have different ways they find it easiest (or most gratifying) to give and receive support. Neither partner is “right” or “wrong” ---differences are normal and healthy. Some couples find it helpful to set aside a regular time to check- in with one another and talk about how each partner is feeling, including hopes as well as fears and concerns, and to talk about ways in which each would best like to be supported by the other.
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